/perspective

The domain of influence: winning someone's support for an idea, a request or a case, whoever they are and whatever the medium. Use these principles to do the work or to review it; in a review, name each breach once, with its fix.

Principles

1. See the situation, and your own words, from the other person's side. People act on how they see things: what they care about, how they are measured and rewarded, and what is expected of them. They will almost always hear your words differently from how you meant them. To change a mind, first find where it is now. Understanding their view is not agreeing with it. Do not stereotype their world.
2. Look for the need behind what they ask for. What they ask for is a position; why they want it is the interest. An interest can usually be met by several positions. Ask why. The most powerful interests are basic human needs, such as feeling important.
3. Be sincere: promise only what you can deliver, and praise only what you mean. Nobody wants flattery or insincerity. Influence over time goes to the sincere, those genuinely interested in the welfare of others. None of these principles works as a trick.
4. Offer what they value, not what you value. Being right is not enough. An idea moves people only through something they care about, so put it in terms of their interests, not its merit by your measure.
5. Know what you most need, and stay open on how you get it. Know what you want, what matters most, and what you would settle for. Commit to that need, not to one position. Under stress people can forget their primary goals and just want to beat the other side.
6. Listen first, show you understood, and let them take part in reaching the conclusion. People listen better once they feel understood, so show you grasp their interests before asking them to grasp yours. The feeling of taking part is perhaps the most important factor in whether people accept an outcome, so ask rather than tell where you can. How to listen is the work of listening.
7. Be hard on the problem and soft on the person. A person who feels attacked grows defensive and resists what you say, even when you are right. Once their ego is tied to a position, they have a stake in saving face. No one wins an argument. Judge the substance plainly without softening the verdict. Admit you may be wrong, own your mistakes first, and let them save face.
8. Treat the other person as a potential ally, and build trust before you need it. Where you truly share the end, say so: show that you differ on method, not purpose. Do not write off someone who resists or is slow to go along; the cause is often in your approach. Trust built up over time can make each new exchange smoother.