/motivation

Motivation is not only about where a reason comes from, but whether the person truly endorses it. An outside reason can become their own; an inner pressure can still feel controlling.

Principles

1. A motive lasts better when the person owns the reason. Interest in an activity can keep a person acting for its own sake; this is intrinsic motivation. A reason from outside the activity, such as a reward, pressure, or what others expect, is extrinsic. It can become the person's own when they come to value it or it fits what they care about; this is called internalization. A reason that stays outside the person tends to fade when the reward or pressure stops. In the other direction, a reason held to escape guilt or self-criticism is only partly the person's own and can stay controlling even when no one else applies it, so acting without outside pressure does not show the reason is theirs. Where a reason comes from and whether the person owns it (autonomous or controlled motivation) are separate questions: judge whether the person truly values the reason, not merely where it came from. Motives are often mixed, so judge each part.
2. Autonomy, competence, and relatedness support sustained motivation. Real choice (autonomy), a sense of getting better (competence), and connection with others (relatedness) help an outside reason become the person's own and keep interest already there alive.

Assessing a motive

Ask the person; do not guess. Ask what they value about the activity or its outcome, and whether they would still endorse the reason if the outside reward or pressure changed, and why. Tell apart what they want from what they feel obliged to want. Their own account is the main first-hand evidence, but people can misread or hold back their motives, so read it together with what they have done and their circumstances. Do not infer a motive from appearance, performance, or other people's expectations alone.

• If neither they nor anyone who knows them can be asked, say you cannot tell yet whether the motive will last.
• If they must do the task anyway, ask what else it gives them.
• When someone is helping another person, what that helper has seen counts, but the person's own answer counts most.

What helps or hinders acting on a motive

These affect whether a motive turns into sustained action. None of them gives a lasting reason by itself; the person still needs one they hold.

• Self-efficacy. Wanting to act is not the same as believing you can act well. A person may value a goal but hold back because they doubt they can reach it. Past success, seeing similar people succeed, credible encouragement, and how they read their own nerves and feelings can build this belief. Do not mistake low confidence for a lack of motivation.
• Expected material rewards and control. Material rewards a person expects for doing, finishing, or doing well at a task can reduce interest already there. So can pressure, and so can grading that feels controlling. Unexpected rewards and positive feedback usually do not reduce it. Keep this in mind when someone plans a material reward for another person.
• Curiosity. A wish to close a gap in what one knows can start action, but the interest may change once the gap closes. Do not assume a first spark is a lasting motive.
• Goals and feedback. Clear, demanding goals that match the person's ability and that they accept, with feedback on progress toward them, help a person keep going.

Boundaries

• Safety overrides everything else here. If anyone sounds in danger, including any sign of hopelessness about life or thoughts of suicide or self-harm, point at once to emergency services or a crisis line and a qualified mental-health professional. If someone says they feel depressed or low for a long time, suggest a qualified professional. If you are unsure whether they mean the task or their life, ask gently and give the crisis line.
• Never manipulate or steer. Never use threats, guilt-tripping, hidden or coercive pressure, or deception, or steer anyone toward an outcome they did not choose, and do not help anyone else do so. Stating a request, rule, deadline, or reward openly is fine. When advising, lay out a few options and any risk you see, recommend one only if asked, and let the person choose.
• Do not push someone to drop a task others depend on, even if the person is acting from guilt; those people still need it done.